John N. Felsher's Zany Adventures
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The Outdoor Writers Association of America, the national association
of professional outdoors communicators, publishes a style guide to help
struggling writers find the correct word usage for particular situations.
For any struggling outdoor writer, the guide provides an invaluable
service, guiding them through lexiconic minefields of proper spelling and
concise meanings. However, as good as this guide is, it falls way short on
the completeness scale. It only gives the “correct” definitions, often
omitting “true” definitions. With apologies to Paul Harvey, “And now, for the
REST of the story …”
- airboat – What happens when a shallow-draft boat propelled by an
aircraft engine collides with a barely submerged stump.
- antique -- Another person’s gun, compared to one’s own gun
which is called a ''classic.”
- antlerless – How most hunters actually end the deer season.
- back cast – An excellent way to locate overhanging trees while fly-
fishing.
- back-crank – When one’s fishing partner in the back of the boat
complains that the person in front (usually the boat owner) is
catching all the fish.
- backing down – When a sportsman finally agrees with his wife
that sleeping in the house WOULD be preferable to buying a new
shotgun.
- baitfish – The fish one’s fishing partner caught, as opposed to the
ones YOU catch, which are called “whoppers.”
- ballistic – What happens to a father when a teen-aged son
returns home and says, “Dad, you know that new $50,000 bass boat
you USED to have …?”
- bank fishing – Telling bankers how many times an angler will take
them fishing if they loan them money to buy a new boat.
- bass boat -- A wingless rocket that flies low over the water, quickly
converting fuel into debts as one searches for a mythical fish.
- billfish – What arrives in the mail shortly after returning from a
week-long fishing vacation to the Bahamas.
- boat blind – When a fisherman wants a new $50,000 boat so bad
he agrees to lifetime payments at 21 percent interest even if it means
taking on a third or fourth job to pay for it.
- bore – One who still talks incessantly about the record book buck
he shot 10 years ago, also called “Big Bore.”
- brace – Two of any waterfowl or what a waterfowler often needs for
his shoulder and back after firing four boxes of 10-gauge magnum
ammunition only to take home a brace of teal.
- bucktail – Frequently, the only part of a deer a hunter sees,
except while driving on the highway or during closed season.
- camp out -- What one’s wife often makes a fisherman do after he
brings home a new $50,000 bass boat because it’s so much better
than the $45,000 one he bought last year.
- carrying capacity – The amount of ammunition, scents,
flashlights, game calls, compasses, coffee, water, rain gear,
batteries, snacks and other essentials a hunter can carry without
undergoing deterioration.
- char – A type of food often served while camping out.
- choke – What happens when somebody in deer camp brags for
the umpteenth time how he bagged the biggest buck in the club last
year, also known as “choke bore.”
- combination gun – Any gun that can double as a canoe paddle
after one drops the real paddles over the side during a gusty wind
storm.
- deer hide – What deer do during deer season
- drop – What happens to the car keys as one enters a boat,
usually followed by a splash and words not found in this dictionary.
- field dress – Buying a new outfit (with matching shoes, hat, purse
and accessories) for one’s non-hunting wife when she decides to tag
along on a hunt.
- fishing pressure – The irresistible urge to leave work early and
go fishing.
- flatbottom – What happens when one sits in a small aluminum
boat for an all-day fishing trip.
- fluke – What a diehard fisherman calls it when his wife catches a
state record flounder on her first fishing trip.
- hip boot – Waterproof boots that come up to the crotch, good for
locating holes in streams or marshes that are deeper than one’s
crotch.
- hole shot – What happens when a rattlesnake falls into a boat
while one is hunting.
- honey hole -- A colloquial term describing a usually productive
secret fishing location, known only to every angler on that particular
body of water.
- iron sights – What one hunts deer with after dropping the rifle
scope-down from a tree stand.
- jerkbait – A lure that has never and will never catch a fish, but one
must own it because it is the latest thing on the market. (See also
sucker.)
- keeper – The fish you catch, as opposed to the fish your partner
catches. (See also baitfish.)
- limbline – A set fishing line with sharp hooks that has been tied to
the limb of a tree or bush growing on the bank, highly effect in getting
boaters to slow down in areas.
- limit – The amount of sun, wind, rain, hunger, thirst, traffic,
aggravation, insects, engine fumes, pain and discomfort a sportsman
can endure before calling it a day.
- mayfly – An aviation term common to bush pilots. “Yep, mayfly,
may not!”
- mud line – The tracks from the garage to the bedroom after a
hunter returns from hunting.
- muzzle-load – The amount of mud found in the top of the barrel of
a gun which has been dropped muzzle downward.
- non-typical – A hunt in which a hunter actually bags a record-
book buck.
- offroad vehicle – Any car when driven by someone who took a
wrong turn going to the secret hideaway in the woods, best
accomplished when one does not own the vehicle in question.
- old-growth – When a male hunter returns from a two-week
hunting trip to the backwoods or what a hunter discovers on opening
day after forgetting to clean the gun after the past season.
- quiver – What a rookie bowhunter does when the great stag steps
under his or her tree stand on opening morning.
- rapid – The rate at which a sportsman spends money for new gear.
- recoil – The rearward movement a sportsman does when he or
she finally sees the price tag on that new rifle or shotgun.
- repeater -- A non-hunting spouse capable of talking without
stopping who cannot understand why you needed to buy another
gun when you already own a dozen.
- rerig – What a sportsman does after he goes through a divorce.
- sinkbox – What happens when a duck hunter slips and drops the
ammunition over the side of the boat.
- stink bait – Any natural bait an angler forgets to remove from his
or her car, especially noticeable during the summer.
- structure – Any material, logs, rocks or other hard objects that
change the contour of one’s outboard lower unit or bottom on a
speeding boat and provide disorientation to a sportsman.
- sucker – A sportsman who rushes out to buy all the latest
equipment the minute it hits the stores.
- tailspinner – A small specialty lure used primarily for bass fishing,
not to be confused with “tale spinner,” a bass fisherman who always
catches monster bass, although no one ever witnesses the catch and
no taxidermist ever mounts it.
- trajectory – The path a hunter travels after tripping over a root on
a downhill path from the root to the point of impact.
- trophy – Any game animal or fish YOU catch.
- weight-forward – Any sportsman who spends more time at the
neighborhood bar than at the gym.
- wet-fly fishing – Any type of fly fishing in which an angler finds a
six-foot or deeper hole in a river.
- Certainly, this compendium is not complete, but I gotta run to the
sporting goods store to see what’s new since yesterday.
Sportsmen's (other) words to live by